My partner dumped me. Now I’m consumed with ugly feelings of rejection.
No one needs to tell us being rejected by a romantic partner is bad, it’s written into our DNA. I’m severed from the herd, left to fend for myself in a hostile world. I need the pack to survive and now my lifeline is cut. Yes, that sucks on a primal level, but…
What about the upside? Before diving headlong into the depths of despair, consider this:
They saved me time, the most valuable commodity in life! Would I rather have spent years more before ending this relationship?
They woke me up by disrupting my complacency. Sometimes “my relationship” is code for “my rut.” How often does a break-up lead to a new look or style that gets us excited again. Why didn’t I make that change before the break-up? Perhaps in a better relationship I might have been motivated (or inspired) to do so without breaking up.
They helped me see something I couldn’t (or wasn’t ready to) see. When my partner breaks up with me, there are issues in the relationship. Usually I can cite a number of these problems myself (some of them deal breakers, too). After the ego bruise heals, was I really that crazy about this match? It is extremely rare that total bliss leads to a break-up.
And the biggest upside of breakups:
They settled the question, “Was this my ideal partner?” Anyone who thinks they lost the perfect partner needs to consider this: “Would my perfect partner break up with me?” If the answer is yes, you need to schedule an appointment with me immediately! 🙂
So, should I thank them? Not just yet, that bastard/bitch doesn’t deserve it! But in my heart of hearts, I acknowledge my ex for giving me the chance to do better, even if I wasn’t quite ready to take the step myself. They’re offering me a lesson in life. If I pay attention, I will make a wiser choice when selecting my next partner.
My partner (like Life) is constantly offering me lessons, but I don’t have to take them. I can always remain stuck in victimization and blame. The choice to see the positives and improve my next attempt is simply that, a choice.
In life, lessons are mandatory but learning is optional.